I'm feeling annoyed. I have pregnant friends. Lots of them. I truly am happy for them and wish nothing but the best and want everything to go well.
I really hate, though, that I get more worried about their doctor's appointments than they do. One of them will tell me they have a checkup or a sonogram and I get all worked up about whether it's going to go okay. I don't know what it is I'm looking for here- most people do have successful pregnancies, I guess. And it's not like I expect them to call me the minute they get back.
I think probably part of it is that they don't feel comfortable gushing to me about how well things are going. I wouldn't in their shoes- you don't want to go on and on to a woman who's just lost her baby. But I need that right now. It makes me feel better and more hopeful and more normal to have people talk to me about it. I don't want to be someone who needs to be sheltered. And I want to hear that amazement in their voices- YES! We saw the baby, and it's moving around and kicking and healthy and there's no extra fluid in its spine and YES! I understand what a miracle this is and that it doesn't happen for everyone and WOW! I'm having a baby.
I'm tired of the offhand, 'oh yeah, everything's fine', like they don't even get how lucky they are. Because it doesn't always happen like that. Sometimes things go wrong. ENJOY IT while you can.
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4 comments:
I totally see your point of view, and that it must be hard for you; can you tell them that you do want to hear about it, and that you do want to hear the excitement? If I had a friend who'd been through what you'd been through, I definitely would be assuming the opposite. Just as I wouldn't say to a friend who lived in a country with rationing and food shortages and lines and starvation: "OMG, I just went to the grocery store and they had BEEF!!! AND they had chicken!!! AND they had lettuce that wasn't ROTTEN!! And I could have as much as I wanted of everything!!"
I agree with Swistle. I think that if you told them that not only do you want to hear all of their exciting news, but that it will also help you heal and give you hope that they will GUSH all over you.
I can totally relate to what Swistle said. Even using her example--I did live in that country with rationing and food shortages and long lines and I did want to hear about it. It made me crazy with hunger, but I wanted to hear about it and hear how people were eating glorious food and enjoying it. I was jealous sometimes.
And I agree that it's okay to say, hey, talk to me, I want to hear it. I'm happy for you and it makes me happy and even encourages me to be more hopeful.
I have to agree with the other comments. I don't think they are taking it for granted, they just feel akward or just don't know what to say.
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